You dont know PAIN

Pain.... na yu dont know pain, 

yu dont know pain like i know pain;

mayb deep down inside i cant let go of the hurt; 

so i hide it, && when asked i smile, 

no its not a lie its to better myself

because speaking how i feel wont help

constantly crying or finding some sort of escape

through whatever makes me happy

so many ppl around me, yet i feel so alone

like no one can relate to me. 

some ppl think i have a good life, no dramatic changes

that shows me i know how to hide it

but some things i cant admit

my pain is undescrible 
my pain is hard

my pain is annoying && it cant be ignored

my pain constantly changes

&& i cant control it at times

my pain....

Had A Thought;

i had a thought; a thought about yu.
a thought about yu and how yu stopped caring
a thought about yu seeing me but walking past me
a thought about yu hearing me but ignoriing me
i had a thought, a thought about yu
a thought about someone hurting me
but yu not saving me
i had a thought, that someone threw a heavy glass at me
and it hit me in my face, and on my side of my stomach
glass was inside my face, and inside my stomach, i bled, and wouldnt stop, but yu ran to that person and stopped,yu looked at me and the look was as if i deserved it. AS IF ii DESERVED that heavy blow AS  I DESERVED that glass insiide of me.

so i ran, ran away from yu, and as i looked back yu did not come, i felt weary and low, sick, i slowed down and fell, i was bleeding, in the dark the redness of me was bright in the darkness. i looked for yu, i needed yu, but yu left me. yur stubborness got me. and i gave up. i gave up on me. i layed there and cried, i bled and i stopped, no one in siight i layed there. && i Had A Thought, A Thought about yu..... to be continued

Locked Up

do yu know how it feels 
to be a prisoner inside of yur own head?
to be a walking time bomb?

LOCKED UP

inside yourself with no source of escape?

SHUT DOWN

by your reality

in a fantasy world yu created off of dreams?

do yu know how it feels
to be forgotten let along rejected
PUSHED AWAY
by the ones that once loved yu

HURT BY

the ones who are close. 

last forever 

NO TEAR

can form a riiver

wiill not cause a rescue team to save yu

SCREAMING

wiill not cause an earthquake
AND
beiing the victim wiill not get yu sympathy && acceptance 
GROW,LIVE, &&  LEARN.

So Mayb...

So mayb ii can become the perfect barbie yu want me to be...

even tho yu tell me iim perfect; ii cant see iit anymore

so mayb ii can change my whole self for yu;

even tho yu say ii dont need to change

so mayb?...

So mayb ii can stop talkiing; 

so ii wont make yu so mad;

so mayb?...

Well what else can i do for yu ?

am i even enough...

i know yu say im more than enough but am i really ?

asking yu questions always leads to an argument...

so to prevent it i dont ask;

i wont ask; jus to keep yu happy all the time

So mayb ppl think i lost all my pride && my dignity

but i didnt;

So mayb yu can admit yur wrongs to me like i do

or let the little things go like i do;

Mayb yu can console me when i cry like yu used to;

mayb yu can be my baby boo yu once was;

on September 22, 2010

im not makin yu seem like yur the bad guy

because yur not;

yur far from it;

i know i have alot of issues;

yes i know i do

but when i say im srry && i will never do it again

i dont do it again

so plz; all i ask is 

yu can do the same for me

So Mayb; jus mayb we can get back on track

:( 

no matter how mad we get i jus cant help to love yu....